Random as hell…

I'm still unemployed.

VERY unemployed; which also means VERY broke… I don't have much to do these days and that sucks lots of booty. I'm a social person. I cannot sit in my house and look at the television all day. I strongly believe that T.V. will make one stupid by frying out all the brain cells we use regularly.

I'm awake.

I take Tylenol 3 everyday; twice a day. I took the damn pill this morning and slept most of the afternoon. I am now unable to sleep because I slept most of the afternoon. Something about being awake at odd hours makes me want to go out. I think it has something to do with living on campus for so many years. Usually at this time, we are sitting in the hallway/picnic table talking about absolutely nothing important to the world, or at a party/probate show thingy. I honestly don't know why it's so hard for me to stay and sit still at my house. I move too damn much.

I saw a blast from the past.

It's funny when you see someone from your past infiltrating your present, your flashbacks come with it. If it's someone like a boyfriend, or family friend it makes you feel really self conscious. For instance, I began to re-evaluate what I was wearing the time I was seen. I re-evaluate the things that person was wearing when seen. Then when you recognize the outfit as something extremely old, you start to pick at that very fact incessantly as a way to make yourself feel better, cuz that fact makes you look better than that person. Weird, I know.

It's 2:23 A.M…really nothing to say after that. Lol

I have finally passed the mark of time where I am able to take my Tylenol 3 a second time for the day. Hallelujah! So I will be getting some form of sleep in the next few minutes. I'm excited cuz I opened up a new blogging thingy on blogger, so I'm going to have more blogs like my last ones, cuz I realized that blogging clears my mind of all those different random thoughts that live in my head; and I have a lot of them.

Haadeeerrz!

Now, I know my title makes it seem like I'm being hated on…I'm not. Last Night's extravaganza gave me my inspiration. My summer vacation has begun, and I am starting it right. I've been Job hunting, Room Cleaning, and Club hopping; the most fun being the clubbing. Last night, I went to this siddity place called Ivy's next to Aventura mall and really enjoyed myself. I realized that very night that people are funny and I don't care. I meant funny in a fake way and I don't care in a…well exactly how I mean it. I try to learn something about myself to improve upon each day I do it. For the past twelve years, I have tried to be quieter…Still no progress there, but its coming.

Anyway, I decided it would be nice to act stush for a few hours with my homies. I make the all too familiar drive to North Miami, pick up my friends and arrive at this small nook right behind Publix. We sit, eat, and have great, engaging conversation. I only ordered a drink; I ate before I came, and I'm broke, cheap, and this restaurant was made for the young adult ballerz…not struggling college student who can't spend her money properly. At the restaurant, I found that my new favorite drink is an Ocean martini, made up of Malibu Rum, Sprite, and something else, but I forgot.

Then, the fun begins.

I'm sure you are all thinking that I got drunk and acted a damn fool like I did at my birthday party…wrong! I definitely was sober, more sober than some of the men that were there with us. I was, in fact, the only female. So I was, in fact, getting a lot of attention from the majority of them…especially the drunk ones. Some were friendlier drunks than others. Due to my recent medical ailment, I cannot have as much fun with them as I would have on a normal day at the club. I honestly came there to just chill and act siddity with the rest of the community. Stuntin' like my daddy if you will. I didn't mind an occasional dance, (especially hot fuck and dutty wine) and one guy didn't mind to keep coming to me. Once the all too popular reggae genre is played he always sought me out. At one point he decided to demonstrate the 'slow dancing with your boo' movements at a reggae club…then I hear his frat brother say something a bit interesting. (I don't name names, it's not nice.)

"Look at whatshisface and Monique!"

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why people are funny in a fake way. I usually expect that kind of behavior from a female, not a male. Now, I know I'm a big girl, which is why I realized to brush that shit off my shoulder. People who make hurtful comments against my size after trying to be my friend…and still trying to be my friend after saying things like that really have no respect from me. I'm not hurt by his comment. In fact, Monique is a gorgeous and voluptuous woman, who makes money off her confidence. Hell, call me Monique all day! But I am no fool, I know what he meant, and the fact that he's drunk doesn't ever excuse him….he doesn't know me and I don't know him, nor care to know him. After that first time, he kept repeating the funny joke to everyone around him that he knew. I don't know if he knew it, but I heard it every time…the consequences of being plastered. Many of you may think that I was horribly bothered and all that. But the incident really taught me my lesson for that day.

I don't give three fucks what he calls me, because no matter what it is, I'll be better than him in life…ALWAYS.

I know those are some strong words coming from me, but what else do you say when you have haaadeerz?! I know that I have a hater quota to fulfill, and I will fulfill it to the max dammit! The statement may not even come true; he may become my future boss. But if I don't believe it, who will? And if I don't live my life like that, then there is no success in my future regardless if I'm a size two or twelve. Although I have life lessons about myself that I try to improve upon, I'm still myself; that can't change.

*side note*

Soo, I understand that this whole dutty wine craze is real great and all, but seriously, can't a girl get a break? I honestly did not feel like wining dutty that night. To top off my initial embarrassment to the large amount of attention I was receiving, People were touching my not so touched up braids that were strategically pulled back to give off the look that they were fresh, when they were indeed spoiled, and needed to come out A.S.A.P! So I know the large amount of men who were shaking my hair and trying to get it out of its hair tie were disappointed to find that Nefertiti's hair was really made out of the stuff that brillo pads are made of. At least, that's what it feels like right now. The song comes on, and the men go crazy for me; every girl's fantasy, right? Wrong. They make a huge circle for me to go crazy in, and on any other healthy day I would jump at the chance; just not that day. The men behind me go for my ponytail, and I was mortified.

Let me explain

My hair is always kept in my head way past its expiration date. I'm lazy and I don't do things on time, so I tend to squeeze all life out of hairstyles till they look unbearable no matter what I do to it. My hair (with a strategically placed headband) can look good for now, just won't feel good. So one can imagine my mortification when someone attempts to shake my dreading hair and sees that these braids have long interlocked themselves and have formed three beautiful 'doo doo dreads' at the ends. No one can really tell, because like I said, I can create the look that they are fresh, as long as no one touches it. All in all I do the dance for a few seconds, and back out cuz it started to aggravate my ailment. I know men; they have a hard time paying attention to detail, so they just probably think it's supposed to be like that or something…or not. Now that this blog is written, I know I will have to take these suckers out tonight!

All in all, I had fun. I truly do enjoy the 21+ lounges, cuz it's not as crazy and crunk as the clubs I've been frequenting lately. I know I'll be back there again, and I'll really dance once this ailment is healed. Then I'll end up ruining the whole stushy vibe cuz I dutty wined my new and Improved weave off…lol.

The hardest part…

Don't know what to think right now.

I'm sitting at my computer at 12 a.m. in the morning, and I don't know what to think. These are the times that I usually pray. So much is happening all at once to so many people, including me. It's hard to think and place my thoughts on one person alone. I love my friends to a fault. I worry and pray for them more than myself. It's my number one attribute and fault that I have. I can't sleep, and I need to be up early to go to the hospital tomorrow to fix this stupid problem that came back to haunt me, but I keep worrying about the sanity and happiness of my friends around me. There's something about moving out of my dorm that makes me detached from the rest of the world. I think the main reason I stay home so much, (besides trying to appease my mother) is so I could hideaway from everything. There something about being upset or depressed that makes people crawl into a dark hole. I'm not saying I'm depressed, just have a lot on my mind. Can't pin point which to think about, or which to solve.

I can't control myself.

I have to help people no matter what I'm going through. I gave a friend a huge dose of reality without knowing it. Ruined the very Idea he looked forward to the majority of his college career…and I opened my big mouth and told the truth. I didn't even realize what my answer would do until I heard the rest of his story…Whoever said that 'truth hurts' sucks major ass. Who said we wanted to know? Lol. Another friend needs a shoulder but doesn't even have ten minutes to lean because the schedule is so hectic. It almost feels like I'm Stretch-Armstrong, and the gooey stuff inside me is leaking out cuz I stretched myself in too many directions. It's not that I'm being pulled, It's that I'm worrying and wanting to put myself there, knowing damn well I have my own shit to deal with.

I use my friend's grief to avoid my own.

Making another person feel better makes my problem less important, and less…I guess…real? Maybe that's why there's a lot on my mind. Because I'm never solving these issues, and they keep coming back, piling on each time until I burst.

The only tangible thing I can do is Pray. Pray for their safety and well-being; Pray for their sanity, and happiness.

Something I said to myself once is becoming more and more evident now…The hardest part about growing up is getting up.

It is 3 A.M…I lied

I told myself I was going to bed now...I was wrong. It's 3 A.M. and I'm sitting here messing with bloggy stuff. Who does that? Insane people, that's who. I could at least be watching my new favorite channel, HGTV, but nooooo. I'm doing the usual Facebook/MySpace/blogger stalky thing. It's not like the information changed the last five times I've checked it, but something in there makes me want to check it again. Boredom can really hurt someone. I see now why shows like jackass make it so big. They decided to showcase the things we adolescents do in our spare/bored time and made money off of that shit…Smart.

I honestly wish I could say that this blog was going to be profound and deep. However, it couldn't be further from that. It really is just what I do when I'm bored. I didn't even do anything exciting today and today was mother's day. Who doesn't do something on mother's day when you have a mother?! I would like to say in our defense, that we were told not to do anything but her hair so we spent time with her and watched a really old movie with Cary Grant.

Don't ask if her hair is done though.

The funnier part is that my mother deserved a bigger mother's day because she took me to the hospital today for my follow-up and she didn't have to. I actually wanted her to stay home and relax, but she had to be supermom and shit. I love her to no end. When (God willing) I get a job, she will be repaid nicely. I always do that if a present giving day is scarce due to funding. I bring her flowers for no reason at all, and I make cards and stuff. I'm like a sappy girlfriend, and I never do this type of shit for any boyfriend I've ever had…not that they would have cared.

Okay, I think I'm going to finally get up from this stupid chair and SLEEP. I truly think I've made friends with Microsoft Word. It seems like Word and Jesus are the two people/things that will listen to me rant and rave and not get agitated. I've never prayed longer than a few minutes, because I always lose my train of thought. Hence why I blog then pray. Everything is clear once I write a bunch of random thoughts onto computer. The world just feels better.

Peace and Hair Grease

Bootata