The hardest part…

Don't know what to think right now.

I'm sitting at my computer at 12 a.m. in the morning, and I don't know what to think. These are the times that I usually pray. So much is happening all at once to so many people, including me. It's hard to think and place my thoughts on one person alone. I love my friends to a fault. I worry and pray for them more than myself. It's my number one attribute and fault that I have. I can't sleep, and I need to be up early to go to the hospital tomorrow to fix this stupid problem that came back to haunt me, but I keep worrying about the sanity and happiness of my friends around me. There's something about moving out of my dorm that makes me detached from the rest of the world. I think the main reason I stay home so much, (besides trying to appease my mother) is so I could hideaway from everything. There something about being upset or depressed that makes people crawl into a dark hole. I'm not saying I'm depressed, just have a lot on my mind. Can't pin point which to think about, or which to solve.

I can't control myself.

I have to help people no matter what I'm going through. I gave a friend a huge dose of reality without knowing it. Ruined the very Idea he looked forward to the majority of his college career…and I opened my big mouth and told the truth. I didn't even realize what my answer would do until I heard the rest of his story…Whoever said that 'truth hurts' sucks major ass. Who said we wanted to know? Lol. Another friend needs a shoulder but doesn't even have ten minutes to lean because the schedule is so hectic. It almost feels like I'm Stretch-Armstrong, and the gooey stuff inside me is leaking out cuz I stretched myself in too many directions. It's not that I'm being pulled, It's that I'm worrying and wanting to put myself there, knowing damn well I have my own shit to deal with.

I use my friend's grief to avoid my own.

Making another person feel better makes my problem less important, and less…I guess…real? Maybe that's why there's a lot on my mind. Because I'm never solving these issues, and they keep coming back, piling on each time until I burst.

The only tangible thing I can do is Pray. Pray for their safety and well-being; Pray for their sanity, and happiness.

Something I said to myself once is becoming more and more evident now…The hardest part about growing up is getting up.