3 weeks

It seems my faith is being tested by God. For the past three weeks all I am faced with is rejection, failure, and way too much stress. Honestly, it is every single day I wake up in the morning, thanking God for another day, feeling optimistic and keeping a positive outlook. Unfortunately, SOMEONE has to eff it all up. SOMEONE has to make the day a shitstorm of hold music, useless, information, careless mistakes, and straight stupidity. Something about these past three weeks seems like a test for the coveted real world. The one no-mans land that will chew you up and spit you out and prove the statement "life's a bitch." This is my last year in college and I fully intend on getting nothing but A's and B's but how can one achieve that when they can barely make it to class because of one problem and silly mistake after the other? Those are called excuses, if I really wanted to go to class, I would get to class no matter the extenuating circumstances like lack of transportation or whatnot. I at least turn in all my assignments on time so far, but to me, that is not enough. I need to do more and know more about what is going on in my classes. Last week was the time for that, but last week was also the time for financial aid to ruin my life and renew it all in one day. After that, everything should be fine, but if it's not school, it's home. Home, right now, is not where the heart is. Home is where the leftover stress is. My mother means well, she really does, but she adds to the stress and demands of a 17 credit schedule. On top of everything else, she chose to move to a house 30 minutes away from a campus i barely attend, and a hour away from where all my classes are. So making it home every single night is a bit of a stretch and I feel at the age of 23, making it home isn't a necessity either. Unfortunately, we do not share these views, so the compromise is to make sure to be home when I say I will be home. Not as hard as it seems, until your ride falls through, and there isn't enough gas or money to cover the other engagements in your calendar, and financial aid reinstates only half the money they cancelled. Surprisingly, this change of plans does not bother my mother. What seems to bother her is my lack of availability for HER problems. I can't come home in time to pick up HER houseguest from school (which she is unable to pick up because she had a bad day) and am only unable after trying to get there in time to do so. I also agree to take the envelope to the post office, but do inform her that I am handling a number of my own issues the next day and it would be much easier on me if she were to handle her own issues this time around....apparently, I said something wrong. God wants me to put even more faith in him than the before. He is showing me this by throwing a thousand curve-balls my way from every angle and aspect of my life. *sigh* I will continue praying and continue trusting his plan for me, because I don't think I have any other options right now.

So you thought you could dance...I guess not

Top Twenty perform for the first time. Mary Murphy should really ration those screams for those who matter. Besides, her screaming might ruin her beautiful Botox smile.



As expected, the choreographers put out their best stuff for the first episode. The first genre was a hip hop routine by "Tabither and Napolean" to Ne-Yo's "mad". Dancers Phillip and Jenine started the night off right. No one expected her to hold her own as well as she did. Phillip, a home-trained popper, danced in the shows finale last season...and was not a top twenty dancer. Needless to say expectations were met, and the night seemed to be on a higher note than expected. With the exception of Wade Robson's Crash Test dummy piece...I mean, seriously? I am glad the audience loved Kapono so much to not vote him off for a choreographer's mistake, that was really big of them. But, if Wade wants to keep his job, he will have to stop giving into his needy wife and choreographing whatever she thinks....her mind is not a sane place.




Other performances that were weaker than the choreography were Haitian sensation Vitolio and his Asian salsa partner Asuka's broadway routine. Before we get into the routine, lets stop for a minute and think about the couple itself. I understand that there is a lot of thought that goes into partner choosing. However, who thought it made sense to put Asuka and Vitolio together? The mere fact that she's an Asian salsa dancer raises eyebrows. Putting her with extra friendly over-emotional Vitolio, that surely sparks major chemistry...or not.

What made Asuka and Vitolio's dancing so bad was that they were forcing the cheesiness of broadway more than it normally needed. They looked like the kids in Drama class that are there for the fine arts credit and will do just enough to get an A because they're perfectionists, but not enough to impress anybody of importance because that would be too much work. Well, it worked, and they did not get the coveted scream from Ms. Murphy. Although we couldn't tell, she frowned at the hopeful couple at the end, calling it 'just good'.





Tony and Paris' routine would have been so much nicer if Twitch and Comfort from last season did it. They danced to a funky, hardcore remix of Black Eyed Peas "Boom, Boom, Pow" The only reason it sucked was because he reminded me of Vanilla Ice. Judge Adam Shankman said that the couple danced 'mushy'. He was being nice. They looked like the people who take hip hop lessons for the first time. Honestly, it would have been better if their wardrobe wasn't so corny. It was a space age red and black creation that did not make much sense. No one was sad to see them voted off, or shocked for that matter...They sucked before they got to the top 20 anyway.



My expectations for next episode are to see more emotion on Ashka's face, and the next two obvious couples to go home....that girl and the somewhat ballroom dancer guy....he particularly sucks booty.

Dead-End

7:00pm. I want to take my black ass home. Being paid to do nothing while i'm tortured by the presence of these whack ass people who do not matter in my life as I do not matter in theirs...is just wrong. The pay should be more with this fucking torture. Hell, this job sucks with or without something to do. Power trippers and power hunters breathing down my neck only shows me you clearly have nothing better do...and you didn't brush your teeth. The next time someone, anyone says something to me.....i'm going to silently grumble under my breath how much they pissed me off because I still recognize that I have bills to pay. But i'll be really mad nonetheless...It's sad. How I protect my money over my sanity. I sit in fear with other employees waiting to see my freedom papers....or pink slip. No one quits before they're fired, thats not smart in this recession era. I rather make a paper collage out of the write ups I was given during my tenure here until I reach the invisible limit. Or whenever they stop caring to see my face here anymore. How can an entire office know of my demise without me knowing anything...until the day of my demise. This is probably why co-workers would accuse you of lying to all your managers without you knowing about the accusation. That makes sense....or does it? It's too easy to ask why she can't mind her business...even if we have had minimal conversation throughout my time here. It's fine, Karma will kick her ass before mine...but when dammit???


Whatever, it's 7:30pm...damn!!

Memorial Day weekend....South Beach Style

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Hello Beautiful

She was the first black person to ever greet me without judgement in her face. She simply asked me my name, and confirmed her identity as the girl my mother told me to look out for so I could have a 'friend on campus.' She didn't seem mean, nice, or nonchalant, she was just there. Not knowing what to take from her personality, I held back from her, expecting the nasty 'ghetto girl' to arise at any moment criticizing my speech pattern. For the past four years, she never did, she only celebrated my love of life and randomivity. Gave me confidence that I was actually pretty. So, why wouldn't I tell her story? I already knew going in to this friendship that she was ill. I never knew someone with Cancer, never knew what it looked like, acted like, or sounded like. She was nothing like the Cancer patients on TV. She wasn't athletic; Olympic dreams in her midst. Wasn't talented, couldn't sing even if she tried. But she was something...sooo damn fly! She walked as if she owned our high school. Her skinny body created hips and twists that wouldn't normally exist on anybody. Her beautiful smile and over the top attitude gave people comfort, and drew them closer. She was the definition of amazing. Never speaking about her illness, just knowing. ONly hearing updates from friends and family, and wondering why she wasn't laying up in some bed losing her mind, depressed and waiting for death. She told me once, that there was no reason to fear death, because it was inevitable. Death is a reality for everyone, and whenever it was her time to go, she will have to accept it. I couldn't understand that strength until I was faced with my own tragedies. I only had to figure out how life worked by watching hers. Within 22 years, she was able to find the love of her life, accomplish more than most black people accomplish in groups, and inspire many; but mostly me. It wasn't until after she phoned me letting me know that she has acute lymphoblastic leukemia where I learned her inspirations, fears, and goals. All I knew was the tough, good natured exterior that she created for the world to see, and left the rest for special some-bodies....not including me. It felt as if it was my duty. To use the very things about me she celebrated and made them good for her. "shaving your head may not look bad, just wear the big earrings like Inida Arie, and head wraps and rock that shit like you own it!" Seeing her repeatedly, updating her on my life, and talking mindless nonsense just to keep her mind off of the bullshit running through her veins. Our conversations never being so short before, I began to feel fearful and uncomfortable. I got wrapped up in the bullshit world around me that I only became a phone call...every month or so. I left her; by herself. The very thing I vowed never to do the first 7 months of her horrific journey. And then, almost as punishment, I received a message of it not being what it was supposed to be...a success story. Worrying more about myself and gas prices, I called her to make sure she was okay. Not realizing that it was the last phone conversation we would have for the rest of our lives. Her mortality had somehow become a joke to me. All I want to say to her is I'M SORRY. I can't should have, would have you, so i'll just hold you. IN my memories for the rest of my life. You took my optimism from me, and I know that makes you mad. I was the other side of you without a reason to force a laugh. You left behind a bevy of people who can only remember your thoughts. You taught me excuses were unnecessary before Obama and after my Momma. I know that this would hurt worse if I transferred our freshman year. But either way, it hurts. Crying over you is all I can do, because you did nothing to deserve this and yet, I still trust God and the decisions he makes. If I don't, I won't be able to stand much longer. TICHELLE I KNOW YOU HEAR ME. I can't be selfish and bring you back to me like I was selfish in pushing you away. No matter what, who, when, where and why...My Girl, you ARE sooo damn fly. Typing with more fury than this Macbook can take, I think back to that beautiful message and smile. "Hello, Beautiful!"

Break-time

What the hell is the purpose of a break in a relationship? there are no breaks in marriages, so why break now? Does that mean you can't handle the heat, or that you shouldn't be together in the first place? Honestly, all that you're doing is giving each other space. Spending so much time together in such a small space causes that I guess. Relationships are not for the light-hearted. Nor the impatient. It takes work, patience, and focus; and frankly, some people don't have that. 

Mac is life

This is my first blog on my new Macbook. A year ago, owning a Mac was the furthest thing from my mind. Now, all I look forward too in my day is to sit and do mindless nothing on my Mac. I'm not a PC vs. Mac person, I still enjoy the "i'm a PC, and I sell fish" line. However, I am slowly beginning to realize that mac is life. Better yet, as Phalan says, Mac is a lifestyle. After about a week of being on my oh, so, sexy Laptop, I realize that once you go Mac, you never go back. lol. But seriously, if you can afford it, make the investment. The dummy proof nature of a Mac is almost refreshing. I don't have to worry about anything happening to my laptop, and that makes me feel almost safe. I'm not a computer geek or very knowledgeable about technology as a whole. So yes, the aesthetics of a Mac do entice me a bit. But, I can't deny that the exclusivity of owning a Mac makes me feel like i'm apart of a secret society. Honestly, if I didn't have other Mac-crazed friends, I would never enjoy this system as much as I do. They have found all the inner workings that can enhance my Mac experience, and I appreciate them for that. I am trying very hard to figure out how my school day went without this laptop, and I only had it for about a week....lol. A misconception was made about Macbook owners by my friend once. He said that they sit in the middle of Starbucks with their mocha latte's blogging about their philosophy on the cracker and it's impact on society...obviously un-true. I'm blogging in my friends apartment hungry, and describing this wonderful new experience. Much different. Either way, it is one of the best decisions I have made in a long time, and I will not regret it for as long as I...and my Macbook...lives.

To Move or not...so many questions

I'm an adult. I now make decisions for the long term and get stuck at a crossroads. to move or not to move? Its so funny how when the chance to move out finally comes your way, all the responsibiltiy and money begin to scare you a great deal. I was like most my age; can't wait to get out of my mother's house, make my own money, and pay my own bills. Finally the chance to achieve all of that surfaces and i'm too scared to move and lose my job so i would have to come back home. The worst feeling on earth is to move out and have a small taste of freedom to then move back home. Although quite common, it is not a great feeling and I dont' want to experience it. The choice seems so easy, but yet it's not, because unless I can move out for free until I get a more stable job situation, i'm stuck wondering if i should move out or if i should live for free for a few months, get fired, then move back home at the end of the semester...the world has gone mad! But the decision has to be made, and none of it can include living with my mother. I will have to do whatever it takes to not get fired, and pay my own way in my own place. It's my dream, and I should do whatever it takes to achieve that dream. Too bad I don't know how to do it just yet. I guess this is the risks that are apart of life that we as adults must take in order to get through the tough times or what not. Whatever, i'm going to find a healthy balance sooner or later... hopefully sooner so I can handle my personal problems.... like the relationships in my life. ;)

The Ex-Effect...revised

I guess it's called the ex-effect. Seeing someone that you once had history with create history with someone new can make one quite territorial. I never understood it. What about an ex-effect with someone who doesn't have someone new... but you do? what would that be called.....the ex-back effect? or the selfish ex-effect? That clearly shows how much people do not know what they want in life. Romantic relationships are generally very confusing, which is why they generally fail for most people. Here is the real question. Is it out of sight, out of mind whenever one has a significant other but is still emotionally invested in their ex? Or, is it a situation of not knowing what you want.....I truly believe it's both. You know who you want, but you can't have who you want every day of the hour, which causes the selfish ex-effect or out of sight, out of mind. But who suffers the most in this; the ex, or the significant other? Like I said in an earlier blog, the people who suffer the most in relationships are the ones that are dealing with those who don't know what they want... All of this is just a bunch of unanswered questions that will be solved once all figured out...

one sentence. one thought.

People who suffer the most from love are those in relationships with others who don't know what they want.

BigPink...this one's for you.

I ate squid today.

It was supposed to be fried calamari, but it was soggy squid. I ate it because of past experiences with fried calamari but for some reason, this batch did not live up to the hype. Besides, isn't fried anything supposed to be good? Hmph. that is all I have to say about that one...tighten up BigPink.

My Obituary....class project

My Obituary
We celebrate the life of Nefertiti Alexander. She was daughter to John Crow Alexander and Marcia Ferguson; Sister to Makissa Lewis. She is survived by her 3 children, Nyala, Anthony, and Leonard. Nefertiti is a graduate from Florida International University, receiving her bachelors in Psychology. She married her husband Jesse Etienne in the coming years to create a beautiful family with her three children. Aside from her family, she created an empire in her career of public relations running the state’s top Public Relation firms, ARDEN Intl. ®. Her community work with young people is a testament to her amazing selflessness. By creating scholarship programs and help building better schools throughout inner cities all across America. Nefertiti also created a mentoring program for first time female college students in order to guide them through their tenure at University life. Along with her community work, Nefertiti is a best selling author of her book, Chronicles of a wannabe dropout, a satirical novel depicting life as a college student. Her book, written during her final years of college, has been the go-to guide for many first time college students. For all who knew her, she was a fun loving, caring soul. Always told the truth to whomever listened and always readily available for advice; Nefertiti was also known for wearing her heart on her sleeve, pant leg, and forehead; but yet it made her much more lovable with time. Her unique presence and distinctive personality will always be remembered with warmth and love in our hearts, minds, and memories.

Growing up is so hard, damn it!

I just started writing a few years ago; last year to be exact. I never expected to write as much as I do. I hated writing when I was in high school. I wrote in my journal only when I had a problem and it hurt my hand to write so much. Now I type, I and enjoy writing immensely. I am an observant person who gives pretty good advice. I'm not saying I want to be an advice columnist but I am saying that this isn't so bad after all. I guess in essence this is the beauty of the college student and this stage in the game…career moves. Never really knowing where we are going to go, or how we are going to get there. I started school set on being an entertainment publicist, with some failures and some success I found a different side of myself that led me to the world of advertising and sports…crazy combination, but it works. I, like most college students, have the hardest time focusing on what is important and prioritizing my life in the right fashion. I procrastinate on things that can be done in five minutes; I choose parties, friends, and fun over important school work. Those decisions are okay on occasion, but they are not okay to be habitual, which is what has been my and many other college students downfalls in the past. I know that the more enticing decision will be and always will be hanging out with friends, or going to the movies, but as we all get older in college and more and more friends are graduating or leaving, is when you, the procrastinator, feel left behind. There is always a point in the average college student's average lifestyle where being average is not kosher. Being average is not acceptable by any standards, usually when grad school only accepts above average anyway. I find it hard to keep track of what I want to be, I thought I wanted to be an entertainment publicist because of the fast paced hustle and bustle lifestyle that I have grown accustomed to, but I no longer want that. I am feeling a bit too old for that now. I even am thinking of family and love, the whole nine yards. But I'm beginning to also feel the old school tired thing too.

MY…space

I thought MySpace was a reflection of you? That facebook was a reflection of your face? Why has it become something for your friends to see? Why do we look at pics of ourselves and like them enough to post online because we know that it will be acceptable to our friends…for what reason do we do these things? I must say, that I was very uninterested with facebook and MySpace in their beginning stages. (I also feel really old, since I've been around and a member since its inception…) I did not enjoy sitting on a computer filling out a million facts about myself for my friends who already knew about these things to read. So I let my friend fill them out for me. Most of that information has been changed, due to the addictive nature of the website, especially in my freshman year. I would really like to know what college would be like without the claws of facebook. It's a new friggin' e-mail like the e-mail wasn't enough to replace our verbal social skills…but that is not the reason for my rant. The reason is a general one that includes all of these social technology tools. The cell phone, internet; all replacements for our mouths. Only thing our mouths do now is talk about what we've read or seen just a few minutes before to our friend who has seen the same exact, senseless thing as well. I realized the replacement mechanism when I explained to a friend to call his significant other if he wanted to patch things up. Let's not focus on the fact that he didn't know her number by heart, but focus on that him texted her instead. A text message is like writing a letter in shorthand. It is the most impersonal way to contact someone. I have seen so many times people get angry about a missed text or an unanswered text. I have missed seventeen million texts, because they are just texts, so therefore I can just return the call. But we are a different breed. We ask questions that are relevant to the now, and therefore if we text a question, it must be answered immediately. I have sent a million texts in the past half hour, if it isn't answered, I take solace in the fact that they might be just like me, and not see it. They will answer later or call, or nothing at all. But it wasn't that important for me to call, so therefore it's not that important for me to get a reply. If it's the coveted text message convo, the back and forth rambling of stuff, then that is when it is time to return a text with a telephone ring. Unless you are unable to, there is no excuse why you are using your thumbs to primarily communicate something to someone you can easily say it to. It used to be how we wait for the voicemail so we can say everything without conversation, but now, it's just a text. And it must be answered with the two letter response of o.k. or np (no prob, I just learned that myself) otherwise the whole world will end if you do not know that they received the text and read it. These technological advances have not advanced anything but how we relate to each other. Honestly, I believe that these 'advances' have ruined relationships as a whole. But then again, I'm not perfect; I use text as a way to reach out every once in awhile. I even use facebook to let people know I'm thinking of them by doing an occasional wall post. I'm not going to lie, a few profile pictures have rubbed me the wrong way, and even a few photo album photos raise questions. But I've improved a great deal. Maybe it's because I used to major in communications and I strongly believe in communicating. I thing we as people should talk about our feelings, say what is on our minds, and stop using facebook and MySpace to do the hard work for us. I know it shall be hard, but it's worth it trust me. I would be reaching if I said read a book, but that's for another time.

Summer 07’… thank God it’s over!!

Carnival time is here again! My summer is finally tying itself together, only it took too long! Lol. I got a job at the beginning of August, I got carnival at the middle of October, and I have finally got over some small relationship related humps. I'm a confident, carefree, free agent. I'm actually happy with myself and my status at this point. I wouldn't mind someone changing it, but I'm not settling either. The next guy better go big or go home, lol. I'm completely ready for the obstacles of the fall. I won't be taking any classes this semester, mostly for myself and because I'm broke. But honestly, I need the break. I'm going to work, and enjoy my youth for these next three months. I have a cruise with my family coming up, and I'm totally ecstatic…one because I've never been on a cruise before, and because I'll be cruising with the company that I start work for in a few weeks. With the guidance of God anything is possible this season, and I'm ready for it. I have some major plans for my future and I know that it may take time, but the theme of these next few months will have to be patience. I don't think there is any other way to get what I want without working for it, and taking how ever long it takes to get it. After all this time, I deserve it. I have a second walkthrough with the new house tomorrow, and then I have the closing on Friday. I'm ecstatic to move into my enormous bedroom, and use my somewhat walk-in closet, lol. I just want to see my mother happy; she deserves this house more than anybody else I know. This summer seems like the summer of experiences for everyone. There really is no other way to describe it. So many lessons were taught and learned this summer for me and my friends. I have experienced some of the most bizarre, sad, and happy things this summer, and have learned a lot from all of them. Sometimes I wonder why the summer is the time when people make and lose friends all at once. Although each year is unique in itself, I think it is safe to say that the year of 07' will go down in history for more than enough people. This year has made given me a lot to learn from whether I liked it or not. I don't really understand why lessons have to be learned the sad way as well as the happy way, but I guess it doesn't matter as long as they're learned.

Chillin in the sun

I'm not sure why I wanted to title my blog that, but it just seemed fitting. I'm sitting in my friend's house taking a break from the immense amount of work we were doing for the impending Miami Carnival. I wrote four different synopis on the different sections that go with good and evil and the garden that they lie in. I'm chilling with my homeboy vlad watching black snake moan wondering why sex must be overused in Hollywood. it's like we lost our creativity. I can't really wath movies like this, anyting in excess I can't watch because it just makes me feel all icky. I know that today's blog doesn't make as much sense as the others, but this is usually how I type when I'm feeling like I have too much on my brain. I love when I have days that I finish errands. It gives a sense of accomplishment and pride.



Okay, so it's august 22, and that night kind of ended really badly. I ended up sick and exhausted, hated the movie, and got into it with my mother. But all is well that ends well. The movie sucked cuz it used sex as the only way to communicate anything to the audience as if they were complete fools. And they used David Banner in it, and he's my husband. Shame...lol.

At Work...what's new?

I realized my last couple blogs have not been very positive blogs so I have decided to write about positive stuff today. I'm at work feeling a bit under the weather because I took alka-seltzer to knock out a cold before it could start which proved to be a horrible idea. I had 'chocolate cake' last night and I feel guilty now. Chocolate is a horrible thing sometimes. My relationship with chocolate has been a strange love affair for many years. Which explains my ongoing fight with my acne, lol. I truly am addicted to chocolate, it's almost like weed for me. Now anytime I have something in my life that I enjoy doing a lot, I compare it to chocolate. Those who know me well know that there is one thing I can't let go of, which I dubbed chocolate cake. I never pass up chocolate cake unless i'm full, or sick.

Alone Time

I'm alone…finally.

 

It's always nice to spend some time with yourself. It's the best time to find out about you. It's also the best time to solve whichever problems you may be going through in your life. I have quickly realized how much issues are solved through silence and prayer. Interruptions are inevitable; especially when you live with your parents. That is why alone time is a hot commodity. It is rare for most people to have and sometimes missed or misused. Like right now. I spend my alone time typing, making sense of the many thoughts that flow in and out of my mind at rapid speeds.

 

I am a ball of shit right now.

 

I messed up so bad that I may have no way else to fix it but by joining the army. This seems like I can't even do that, because I failed the ASVAB. I want the opportunity to work for a friggin' company, but no one will give me a chance after the abrupt way I left Marriott because I trusted that my mother will have my back until I got employed. I was wrong. I forgot that the best isn't good enough if I still produce shitty grades. I won't be graduating with the best of them nor doing anything else remotely important for awhile because I messed up so badly. I messed up everywhere it counts in my life, and I am now alone on my own to fix it ALL. I am not complaining, but I am stating it. I have come to terms with it and am doing my damndest to get what I need to get done. I know that whatever decisions I make will be the best that I can make for right now. I don't really enjoy the fact that the army is my only good choice right now, which isn't much since I don't qualify in so many ways. I wish my mother would stop finding excuses as to why I am not doing well in life. I just feel like more of a failure that way. I know that giving up is not an option, because that would solidify the fact that I am a failure. I am not blaming my mother for my shortcomings, or my feelings right now, I'm just stating how her statements make me feel. So many damn things on my mind and I don't want to think about any of them. Everyone I talk to can sense the depression in my voice. I have not one happy bone in my body and I am the reason why. I did this to myself and have no one to blame but me. I am taking responsibility and applying to every single job I know that is out there. I'll be the garbage lady if I have to be. I am a hard worker and a dedicated worker and I pray to God that I get the chance to prove myself independent of my mother. She won't know this, but every dollar I save is going into moving out, and then my education. I will have to put it on the backburner only because I won't get any further in my life if I'm not out of this house. It always seems like life is a lot easier and more fun when you have control over it. I broke down crying at least four times writing this blog, but I'm happy I wrote it, because it has aired out a lot of the frustration that I've been dealing with lately. I know my period has a lot to do with this overflow of emotion, but shit, it's still true. I know that I will be hired soon, and I know that God is watching out for me and he will not put me through anything I can't handle. I am going to do whatever it takes to get my life back on track before it's really too late.

At work...Happy Fourth of Friggin' July!!!

dammit, i have two more friggin' hours. I only don't like work when I don't have much to do. I have a job interview tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. and thats for a real full time type job, not a 12 hour/week job. that would make it kind of un-fun. but unless i was getting paid $400/hour i would work twelve hours a week, and brag for hours about it. but unfortunately I live in the real world. and in this world, we work long, hard, treacherous hours and squeeze out pennies each week compared to the amount of work one does to earn it. It's the beauty of life, love, and the pursuit of happyness...lol. Right now, i'm truly hoping I get the job that I have the interview for tomorrow morning, so far a lot of my friends have been hired by this company, and I hope I can be one of them. it's sucks when you don't have a real job to talk about. I also know that you have to be careful what you wish for. because anything that i decide to do for a living is going to be for long term to the point where i will grow so muich in that company that they will have my picture on every brochure that comes out...even the pens.

I know, i'm pushing it.

But I can't help it, I have been officially unemployed for the first half of 2007. Every year I end it with a job, and start the new year without one. I haven't worked through a black friday in so long, I don't remember what it feels like at this point. Hopefully, I won't be working a black friday in retail but in hospitality or Public Relations. which would work well with retail, but honestly, they don't have as good benefits as a hotel or cruise branch could offer. I don't really know what my goals are for the future right now, but I just know that i'm graduating college on time. I never needed this job more than now, and that's only because I have the responsibility of paying for everything in my life now. I will accept these new circumstances whole heartedly because I look at this as a lesson in all things adulthood. I'm 21, and frankly I need a good kick in my ass to do what I have to do.

This medication is trying to shut me down.

I took pain killers for my favorite monthly activity and past time. It definitely makes me drowsy, and I definitely didn't use the window earlier today at my mother's request to go downstairs for no friggin' reason. I ended up staying awake till I had to come to work tonight till 1 a.m. I am not sure exactly how i'm going to stay awake enough to get home to get enough sleep for the interview tomorrow, but I am going to have to work this somehow. My typing skills have become very bad over time. I am unsure how many words I type a minute, but I don't think it's thirty anymore. I am a backspacing queen over here.

I'm listening to 50 cent on a reggae station.

What exactly has the world come to? I think that is why I have gotten really tired. Cuz the music is slow r&bish type business. The man called in for jah cure, and yet we the listeners are hearing musiq. Now, there is nothing wrong with musiq soulchild, but there is something wrong with musiq being played on this radio station. But then again I really like this song so it can pass, lol. Really, why do people not like 'buddy'? I'm going to be honest. I have had a 'buddy', it didnt' end well, but I had one. It is an inevitable part of nature for the average human being...or average man, women don't like to admit things like that; society said so. But really, why is it such a taboo to have a 'buddy' when you're in college? We're not adults just yet, and we're not kids either. So some of us are not looking for relationships, but relations, and others are looking to get married right now. I don't really mess with people who have that agenda, that scares me a little. but I do understand that the buddy experience is not a bad one, only when feelings get involved, then one may have a problem.

I really feel like i'm listening to Power 96 instead of Riddims 94.5.

Everything about what the D.J. is doing sounds like he came from power 96 two hours earlier. No big. He just won't have a lot of listeners right now. One more hour until I get out. I truly want to sleep and get ready for this interview.

At Everglades...the desk, not the park.

Sometimes I wonder wether or not they named this housing facility Everglades because of the immense amount of mosquitoes and flies that seem to find it's way in and out of this building. I have come home countless number of times with random bug bites and red marks from scratching. This fact is the only bad thing about this desk. I truly enjoy my job. I probably would only hate it if I had more hours and still the same nothing to do. Eight hours at this desk would be like the excruciating eight hours at my night shift. Only difference, I have a periodic list of duties to attend to that keep me busy throughout the night, and I can sleep. here, i just sit and look pretty to all the unexpecting passerbyers; quite fun if you think of it. I also would enjoy my job more if they paid me more unnecessarily for no apparent reason. That usually is the reason for me to want to enjoy most jobs I work at.



It seems the best way for me to make time to go by faster is when I write these blog about absolutely nothing. That usually gets the juices flowing. I am in my 'deep thinker' mode. This usually means I have seen someone do something that the general public has seen before and decided that it was worth a discussion. Much like the show Seinfeld, only these are the subjects Jerry removed from the repetoire. Actually, it seems that i forgot my topic to begin with and this looks like the topic i'm talking about. or maybe i shouldn't write until I have something meaningful to say.